We were together for 8 months. I was at his apartment opening the door with a key and everything.
You know I letting myself in like I always did (only when he asked me to come over – he asked that I don’t just pop up, please check with him first). I found it weird but I never thought too much of it – gotta respect people’s privacy. I already met his some of his family and friends. I felt like I was the one and the only one.
So there I was sitting and watching TV, I heard the door open, I thought to myself “he’s home early.” But it wasn’t him it was another girl, not his cousin nor sister but his girlfriend. Girlfriend of 4 years who was temporarily living in another state. She visited one weekend a month and he visited her 1-2 weekends a month. You might ask did I not see her stuff there? Nope. They didn’t live together the few things she had there he put them away and puts them back when she visits.
There are clear signs that you are a aide chick sometimes but ever so often it’s not clear at all. Some people are great at covering up. Everything appears normal: You spend a reasonable amount of time together, regular date nights, going to events together. You met family and friends. You know where he lives.
Not so obvious signs that you’re the side chick:
- You get introduced to a select set of family and friends (You don’t even realize this). However because you met them you may feel like your relationship is serious. You may get introduced to his parents but not his grandparents. (I only introduce a guy to my grandmother or my best friend Toni or tell them about him when I’m serious about the person) Simply ask him who in his family are most important to him and who his best friends are. If you haven’t yet met those people that’s a sign.
- Pay attention to how you are introduced. Do you get introduced as his girlfriend or just by your name. Ex. This is my girlfriend Kariette or This is Kariette. Also pay attention to how they act around you.
- He goes “out of town” for work often when his job doesn’t really include travel. He works as a office manager. Why does he have to travel for work?
- You can’t show up unannounced to his house. You may know where he lives or even have a key but he forbids you from just popping up.
- In addition there is no randomness or spontaneity allowed from your end really. You can not plan things last minute with him. He may be spontaneous though. He’ll tell you he has plans but perhaps show up to your apartment with flowers and say they got cancelled and he missed you.
- He gets upset when you cancel plans; perhaps because you’re working late. It’s his only time he put aside for you.
- You don’t exist on his social media much. Sure you can tag him in pictures and take pictures with him all you want but he makes sure that you don’t show up on his timeline nor does he post pictures of you. And forget about the “in a relationship” status, he refuses.
- Him being protective of his phone is often a clue but what if he isn’t? He simply deletes all his messages or hides the messages and leaves his phone unlocked. Pay attention to if the messages that you send him aren’t in his phone.
- He avoids talking about old relationships. It is something he just doesn’t care to talk about. Pretty hard to talk about your last relationship when you’re still in it.
- He doesn’t talk about future plans. You don’t know where your relationship is going, he says “let’s take this one day at a time”
