Things I’ve Learned Two Months Into Being a Bonus Mom

April 15, 2021

If you follow me on Instagram you’ll see I updated my bio to include “Bonus Mom” I’m not yet married but I consider myself and they consider me as their bonus mom. When it comes to being a bonus mom, I’ll be honest and say I’ve literally felt like I’m failing regardless of what their bio mom, dad, or anyone says.

I’ve learned a lot two months after being plunged into this instant role I’ve had since moving to Wisconsin. I haven’t just met the boys two months ago. I met them over 2 years ago but seeing them had been limited to short trips when I’m in vacation/fun mode. Now I’m seeing them during regular daily life. I’m not a Bonus Mom pro, nor do I think the learning process is over. It’s definitely just getting started. So here’s what I have learned Two Months Into Being a Bonus Mom.

  1. I’m in their lives for a reason and they’re in my life for a reason. Well, the obvious reason is I’m with their dad. But no matter how long or short there’s a reason. I’ve learned a lot from them about myself and they have learned a lot from me.
  2. They are learning to be with me as much as I am learning to be with them. Having a lot of one on one time with them I realized they didn’t actually know how to be with me and I didn’t really know how to be with them either. I wasn’t visiting them at their house with their mom and dad nor were we at a hotel with their dad, they are at our house. This whole part is an ongoing learning process. Multiple Meltdowns amongst the three of us included.
  3. It’s a Great Idea to take cues and advice from the people who’ve known them longer. Each relationship is different, and I know that my relationship is also different with them but I still take cues and advice from the people who’ve known them longer.
  4. I Don’t Need to Compare Myself. I do keep things the same as possible for them in some instances for the boys more specifically rules/bedtimes. But I don’t compare myself because it leads to me acting like their bio parents, which I do not want to do. I’ve also noticed they are different around me in a good and healthy way – I won’t get into too many details, but this helps me to be and feel like “Okay I’m not totally sucking at this”.
Due to my blog being public, I opted to be extremely safe and not show their faces or simply blur images.

Any of you are bonus/step moms? Shower me with your advice.


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