Before the Bump: A Different Kind of Journey
Before I share more about the birth or baby life, I need to rewind—to the part I never talked about while it was happening.
Years ago, I shared here that I have PCOS. I was officially diagnosed in 2018, but likely had it long before. My periods were awful. Painful. Mood-shattering. By late 2023, I couldn’t function. I left work early multiple times because my cramps were so bad.
Fed up, I switched doctors. My new OBGYN listened—not just when I said the word “pregnancy.” We started a treatment plan: hormones and birth control to regulate my cycle and stabilize my moods. That was the goal. Just that.
Pregnancy? Not on my mind. Not expected. I was told by my previous doctor that I’d likely need help to even get pregnant. And I hadn’t gotten pregnant despite not using birth control since 2020. So, I was just… living.
First Trimester (Which I Lived Through… Unknowingly)
Early 2024, I was feeling better. My periods were manageable, my moods less chaotic, and I even lost some weight. The only catch? I was terrible at taking my birth control consistently. Still, I wasn’t worried. It hadn’t mattered before, right?
Then I missed a period—but that wasn’t new. PCOS had trained me to ignore stuff like that.
The moment of truth came in July, at my annual physical. I was fasting and ended up vomiting after eating. My hands were also going numb a lot. My doctor suspected carpal tunnel. Michael, on the other hand, said, “Maybe you’re pregnant?” for the tenth time that month.
I took a test to shut him up.
The man was right.
Cue panic. Tears. A spiral of anxiety: What if it’s a cyst? What if it’s not viable? Can I even be excited?
I canceled the carpal tunnel appointment because clearly… I was growing a human.
Second Trimester: Surprise! You’re Already In It
At the ultrasound, I expected to see a little dot. Instead, the tech paused, she was doing an internal ultrasound. We switched to the external jelly on the stomach version and at the end… She said: You’re at least 15 weeks pregnant.
Fifteen. Weeks.
I had lived through a whole trimester unknowingly—without prenatals, on metformin, taking my birth control like it was optional. The guilt and anxiety were instant. Was my baby okay? Did I already mess up?
Genetic testing came quickly. And later, we had a gender reveal: a little girl. Cue the happy tears—and still, the anxiety.
I didn’t throw up much. Maybe once or twice? But again, that could’ve been my inconsistent metformin. I also lost a scary amount of hair—likely from three months of pregnancy without vitamins. Oops.
Buying baby stuff felt hard. I wanted to be excited, but I was constantly afraid to jinx it. I had two baby showers and did my best to show up with joy, even when fear lingered in the background.
Third Trimester: High Risk, High Emotion
By the third trimester, I was labeled high-risk due to gestational diabetes and blood pressure concerns. Weirdly enough, the extra attention helped my anxiety. I had twice-weekly appointments and ultrasounds. Each one reassured me that my baby was still thriving.
Managing gestational diabetes became a mini obsession—in a good way. I loved meal planning and staying within range. Blood pressure stayed normal… until a few days before delivery, of course (because, drama).
Iron infusions in December helped with my anemia and cured my constant shivering. Bonus: more FMLA days. (And yes, I love my job—but growing a baby deserved center stage.)
Pregnancy became my whole identity. I loved maternity clothes. I still wear some of them, honestly. Why aren’t all clothes stretchy and soft?
I also threw myself into birthing and breastfeeding classes. They gave me a sense of control in a journey that often felt out of my hands.
Looking Back (and Forward)
If I could change anything, I’d have gone to therapy sooner. The anxiety was loud and constant. But I’m in therapy now. I’m healing. And I’m happy.
Despite the fear, I really did enjoy being pregnant. I loved learning, preparing, and growing into someone new—not just physically, but emotionally too.
And now, on the other side of it, I’m fully in this new chapter: motherhood. There’s more to share—especially about my breastfeeding journey so far, which absolutely started during pregnancy—and I will.
But for now, thanks for reading what I couldn’t say out loud while it was happening. This was the story I carried quietly. And now, it’s out in the open.
Coming soon: The Breastfeeding Journey (with all the tears, triumphs, and lactation consultants in between).
I am trying to post every Tuesday – But hopefully I can get a post out once a week…. motherhood and all.
