How To Fake Cook A Romantic Meal

November 28, 2017

Okay. You want to make a romantic meal but you can’t cook. Or you said “Come over I’ll cook us dinner” forgetting that you can’t cook. Now he’s coming over for a romantic dinner tomorrow night. Well here’s a few things you can you. 

  1. Before we get into the food aspect, be sure the set the mood, candle lit dinner, or dim the lights, set the table, turn on the fire place if you have one, pick the right music tracks and so on. Be sure to dress up also as if you were actually going out.
  2. Have a friend or family member come over and cook and leave before you date arrives. This solves everything of the kitchen looking like it has been used, pots and pans being in the sink or in the dish drain, and actually groceries and produce in your refrigerator. 
  3. Order Take Out. Now there’s a method to this and additional tips.
    1. Keep the food choices simple and realistic to what someone would cook at home. Spaghetti and Meatballs, baked chicken, rice, lasagna, etc.
    2. Order from a takeout place that you are familiar with and know that they will deliver on time, (Or you can pick food up at a grocery store or something) and also customize your order for you.  Like separating the spaghetti from the meatballs. I’ll explain in the next point.
    3. Take out all the food from the containers and place in ceramic dishes, baking pans bowls etc like you as they would be if you actually cooked it. 
    4. Rinse and turn over related pots and pans and put in the dish drain. Example don’t put a Wok or large soup pot in the dish drain if you made spaghetti and meatballs. Makes no sense, instead put a colander in the dish drain to show you drained the pasta. (Watch a few cooking videos quickly on YouTube to have an idea to what dishes would actually be used and also you can learn a few cooking terms to explain how you “cooked” this meal)
    5. Throw out the take away trash. Actually take it out don’t leave any trace inside. 
    6. Another note; if you have a bunch of take out menus hide them. Dead giveaway that you don’t really cook.
  4. Actually try to cook and if its bad; BURN IT. Then you can either blame it on the oven, kitchen timer or something else OR you can come clean “I can’t cook I have no idea why I said I would” and then suggest ordering food. He or she may even offer to cook a quick meal (This actually depends on if you have anything cook-able in your house) 

Don’t forget the wine and whiskey. Be sure to pick up some dessert too.


I just want saw not being able to cook is not the end of the world nor is it a bad thing. If a dude requires that you cook he can kindly f**k off. Post inspired by a conversation I had about how I would make it look like I actually spent a day cooking. 


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