Questions to Ask Yourself Before Pursuing a Serious Relationship

October 21, 2016
Most people do not want to be alone so they seek out serious relationships which they aren’t ready for. I have been guilty of that; trying to be in relationships when I am not ready (though I thought I was).

I am also around people who want relationships but aren’t equipped to be in one; they are selfish, have some growing up to do and have unrealistic expectations. I then observe as they enter relationships, with immediate mistrust of their partner because of unhealed wounds from past relationships, and constantly creating drama stemming from their unrealistic expectations.

These questions to serve as a self assessment and reflection tool because sometimes we’re broken and dented and we don’t even know it.

 The sample answers/scenarios to these questions are both personal answers and witnessed reasons I have heard friends and acquaintances state. If you’re in a not so serious relationship and you’re thinking about getting serious; some questions may apply. 

Before you jump into a relationship; here’s the list of questions you may ask yourself:

  1. Why do I hate being single? Is it because you have no hobbies? Is it because you have no friends? If you hate being single because all your friends are in relationships well clearly that is not a good enough reason to start a relationship. Do hate being single because you want someone to post pictures with on social media? That again is another ridiculous reason to be in a relationship. The answers go on and on – but be honest with yourself.
  2. Am I emotionally and mentally stable to be in a relationship? Are you going to have a mental breakdown if things don’t go your way? If you are still licking wounds from an old relationship  – your answer is probably no
  3. Do you have existing trust issues? Are you going to enter a relationship having a high level of distrust with someone who has done nothing to lose your trust and ignore the fact that the person is simply trying to gain it? Then you probably have trust issues. Are you going to go out of your way to spy on or even set a honey pot for that person? Then you probably have trust issues. Are you going to immediately think the person is up to something if they don’t respond almost immediately to a text or return a phone call? You guessed it – You probably have trust issues. 
  4. Have you recently gotten out of a relationship? If the answer is yes – Why are you trying to get into another relationship? Have you even gotten over the last one? 
  5. Are you ready to make compromises and decisions that are not just about you anymore? Yes this is a serious question some people do not understand relationships take work. When you’re in a relationship or even dating with that intention, they’ll be some compromises and joint decisions.
  6. Do you enjoy your own company? If you were supposed to clone yourself; would you love being around yourself? Would you trust yourself with your secrets? Would you bring a negative or positive energy to yourself? Would you admire the clone of yourself? All the attributes, characteristics and qualities in you. Seriously if you won’t like being around you why would anyone else?
  7. Are you capable of being honest and open? First you’ll have to be able to answer that question honestly. People enter relationships unable to tell the truth and even start the entire thing with a lie.
  8. Are you good at communicating? Or are you going to post subliminal messages on social media? Or say nothing is wrong when asked knowing damn well you have a problem with something? Expanding the last point in item 3; ask the other person their preferred method of communication; not everyone likes texting.

A few questions to ask during the early stages of the relationship
  1. Why am I with this person? Does this person make you happy or check the mental boxes in your head? Are you friends and family influencing you to be with this person?
  2. Am I interested in this person for the right reasons? (You may have answered this question in Question 1) The person you just started dating or “talking to”; think to yourself why are you interested – Is it because they can advance your career or status in life? If so stop wasting their time and your time – They’ll eventually catch on. 
  3. Can I deal with this persons anger? If you’ve seen the person you’re with angry or extremely upset at someone else or something. Ask yourself if you can deal with it. Does the person throw things or say the meanest things? Would you be able to handle it if it was directed towards you? 
  4. Are you physically attracted to this person? Might be a weird question, may seem shallow too – But often times we are so desperate to be in a relationship or our friends set us up.  The person is nice, there is peer pressure of sorts so we get into the relationships with someone we aren’t even physically attracted to. 
I am sure there are more questions you can and should ask yourself. If you can think of some post them below! 


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